The Game, Pairings and Tee Times

The Game: Quota System: 50% of Handicap with a 50% adjustment daily. $300 per man. $500 a day will be available each day for day money. 1st - $250 2nd - $150 3rd - $100. $2100 will be paid out for overall totals. Gardeniaville Champion - $1200 2nd Place - $550 3rd Place $350.

Pairings and Tee Times:

Round 1 PGA West Nicklaus
Group 1 8:15 Tee Time:
Hag, Green, Park, William
Group 2 8:24 Tee Time:
Hob, Joyce, Jennings, Kilian
Group 3 8:32 Tee Time:
Whit, Gooch, Pepper, Stitt

Round 2 PGA West Stadium
Group 1 1;45 Tee Time:
Hob, Whit, Pepper, William
Group 2 1:55 Tee Time:
Hag, Jennings, Stitt, Park
Group 2 2:05 Tee Time:
Green, Joyce, Kilian, Gooch

Round 3 La Quinta Dunes
Group 1 8:22 Tee Time:
Hag, Kilian, Pepper, William
Group 2 8:30 Tee Time:
Gooch, Jennings, Hob, Joyce
Group 3 8:30 Tee Time:
Stitt, Green, Park, Whit

Round 4 La Quinta Mountain
Group 1 2:22 Tee Time:
Hag, Whit, Jennings, Hob
Group 2 2:30 Tee Time:
Stitt, William, Green, Joyce
Group 3 2:28 Tee Time:
Park, Pepper, Gooch, Kilian

Round 5 PGA West Nicklaus
Group 1 8:22 Tee Time:
William, Kilian, Whit, Joyce
Group 2 8:30 Tee Time:
Gooch, Hob, Park, Pepper
Group 3 8:38 Tee Time:
Stitt, Jennings, Green, Haggard

Round 6 PGA West Staduim
Group 1 2:22 Tee Time:
Green, Joyce, Gooch, Kilian
Group 2 2:30 Tee Time:
Pepper, William, Jennings, Whit
Group 3 2:38 Tee Time
Hag, Stitt, Park, Hob

Off the Snide!!!!

The wind was howling, it was evident that the good ball strikers had the advantage on this day. No need to throw the balls up, it was Park/Haggard vs. KJ/Walker. William decided to spectate for 4 holes before Christie called him home to take care of McCloud. Her sickness probably saved him a minimum of $120 in nassaus.

Park has put a bullseye on KJ's back, and today was going to be a day of retribution. Before the first ball was hit on #1 KJ reminded Park of how many points he had taken from Jeff recently. Some of you know about the "Old Park" that I speak of... KJ brought my man back to life for at least 4 hours that day. This also would not be the first of KJ's absurd actions during this round.

On #13 KJ apparently thought he pured a 3 iron from 223. The ball was on a beautiful line, never leaving the flagstick, half way there KJ started walking off the tee. This was reminiscent of the, now infamous, Jenning's " In your fu**ing face" moment. Only difference was Jennings shot was good, KJ's flag seeker ended about 50 yards short of the green. He proceeded to make 5.

Park played well all day, he managed to shoot 80 in the wind with a 7 on 8 (I made a 20ft from off the green for par), a 6 on 11 ( I made a 15ft putt for par from the other side of the creek too), and a 7 on 17. This is where the story begins.

Vegas is worth 40 points per point!! Park/Haggard are up about 2000 points, a number that can easily be flip flopped. Park (always the clutch player) blows his tee ball out of bound right. I (scared of following him, and not able to get that ugly ass swing out of my mind) pull a 3 iron left. It clips the tree left and winds up about 235 from the flag in the left rough. KJ/Walker pipe two balls down the middle. Down wind, on a downhill lie in the rough, with a tree making a hook necessary I pull out a 4 iron knowing I must par. I hit what was probably the best shot that KJ, Walker and Park have ever seen. It landed in the middle of the green, and rolled through into the valley of death. Phil might get this up and down 1 in 10 times, I hit it to 15 ft. KJ makes 5/4 Walker beats Jeff with a 6. To add pressure Buddy Phillips decided to walk out onto 17 green to see what was going on. Downhill, left to right slider with Buddy Phillip over your shoulder for about $1600... DRANO.

KJ/Walker had no chance on this day. Every squirrel finds a nut I guess, but I feel the tides turning. Park 80, Haggard 82, KJ 87 and Walker 89. It was a day for the ball strikers.

Buergler is Back!

It comes as no surprise to any resident of Gardiniaville, but our boy William is back. This will absolutely be the last year that we are all duped by the winter slump. Who hasn't become accustom to the mini temper tantrums following Big Willy Styles latest cold weathered snap hook? Apparently when you become partner you automatically quit worrying about money games. Instead, you tank every midwinter partner that you have en route to a nice spring handi. This all comes to light as Mr. Big Willy Style throws a tidy 76 at the Field in the Gardeniaville spring social mixer. When the first hint of competitive golf shows Buergler is there.

Gardeniaville showed up strong at the opening event of the season. Actually the only resident not present was the Hobester (aka The Mayor). With his game in shambles, The Mayor headed south for some resurrection. Hobie headed to Austin, TX. this weekend. Although there was a tourney going on in Gardeniaville (he is the self imposed Mayor of the town), he went on a search for the truth. Unfortunately, to Hobes surprise, the great teacher Mr. Harvey Penick passed 15 years ago. Upon hearing this news Hobie immediately asked for Helen Penick, thinking that maybe some of the great teachers instruction may have been passed on through his lovely wife. No such luck. Mrs. Penick passed in 2006 at 101 years of age. (Note to all the wives of Gardeniaville: Being married to a golfing man = years a vitality) Not knowing were to turn , Hobie went straight to the Callaway Tech Barn in an effort to buy a new game. Result of this pilgrimage to come.

Straight from our local rag The Tulsa World: (Gardeniaville residents shown)


5th Place: Willam (SB) Buergler, Doug Allert, Dan (my wife can play) Beiseigel, Dan Fulps.
6th Place: Tim ( I just became a father 6 hours ago) Mason. Bill Butts, Danny Funk, Russel Gibbs,
9th Place: Kevin Joyce, Bob Acklin, Bob Van New Kirk, Rick Funk
11 Place: Keith ( I take credit for my partners successes) Stitt(87) , The Great Doctor Jimmy Coder, Bill Condrin, Javier Gamarra.

Congrats to all of those top finishers!

Those who played but did not waste World Publishing's ink: Jeff Park, Chris Haggard,and Sweet Swinging Justin Walker. Apparently. these fine gents can only play if their mortgage payment is on the line. Or, in Parks (my) case, it is below 20 F.

9 days to the Palm Desert Debacle!!!!!!

How to Stop Being Late: Tips for Improving Punctuality

How to Stop Being Late: Tips for Improving Punctuality

THE REAL STORY

OK assbites. Here is the real deal. I don't have panties and even if I did I would never wad them and throw them at anyone. That is just Hobie's cute little way of saying that I was irrirated by the fact that I am surrounded by idiots that refuse to show up to anything on time. I left at 11:45 am CST. I did not storm out. I left before either of them got there. I know that on most days everybodys time is much more valuable than mine. This stems from their inability to delegate due to huge doses of self importance. However, on this day I had early afternoon meetings. I think the real issue here is that their mommies have been telling them their entire lives how they are "special". This becomes a problem only when they actually start believing it! When you make someone wait on you it is generally a form of power that you try to gain over them. "I am more important than you so if you want to interact with me you are going to have to wait". This seems to be the mindset of those who are habitually late. It may also be that they have the mindsets of little children as well. We are all grown ass men though and it is time to start being punctual!

It is unfortunate that I can't play a onesome in Palm Desert. I would actually get to tee off on time and possibly even get both rounds in. It would certaintly be more enjoyable.

And another thing. If anybody is waiting for an apology from my panty wadding whiney ass, you will be waiting for a very long long time. What the hell would I even apologize for? Sorry that you two idiots were 15 minutes late and I had to leave to make a meeting???? I don't think so!

What time is lunch????

Jeff throws wadded panties at Keith and Haggard

The Gardeniaville Invitational pairings luncheon was scheduled for 11:30 today at In the Raw South. This is the much anticipated meeting of the minds to determine foursomes and playing partners for each of the six rounds. Keith and Haggard are co-heads of the committee every year and this year they threw Jeff a bone and allowed him to participate. What happened?

Well, shockingly, Keith and Haggard showed up at 11:37 (7 minutes late), so Jeff told them that since clearly his time wasn’t as valuable as theirs, he was leaving. And then he stormed out of the restaurant told them to go screw themselves and drove off. Despite numerous calls to apologize for their tardiness, Jeff refused to answer his phone or forgive Keith and Haggard.

Keith and Haggard tried to forge on without Jeff, but found it impossible to continue. It seems neither of them wanted to play with Jeff’s whiney ass, and they felt bad about pairing his whiney ass with anyone else. Since La Quinta won’t allow 2 foursomes, 1 threesome and 1 onesome they decided to postpone the pairings luncheon until after Jeff issues a public Gardeniaville apology to both of them.

Nice day for Golf!!!

Enjoy the day! I guess the forecast looks horrible for the weekend. Maybe snow! Unbelievable! I am pissed that I can't make it today. You guys should be happy, it will save you some$$$$. Be nice to William today and let him win once. He is going to lose it soon if he doesn't!

Cystic Fibrosis Foundation Golf Tourny

Time to give back boys!

Cedar Ridge , May 10th, 2010
Four man teams
"Golf Sponsor" : $1,500.00
(4) players and Hole sign
Names in Tulsa People (lifelong goal of mine)
Awards party

Before William starts his arithmetic I will help out....$375.00 per man.

They just sent a letter about this today. I think we can play with out being a "golf sponsor" but I don't know what that cost yet.

Let's put a team or two in this. Gardeniaville MUST be an charitable society!!!!!

Hobie, Can you start a money raised column next to our points chart?

Who authored Haggard's profile?

The structure and syntax smell of Hobie but the profanity reeks of Park.

Gardeniaville's new logo

Sorry State of Affairs

How in the hell does Buddy allow this to happen at his place? It sounds like Haggard's infectious play is spreading. What a friend. I can't wait to see how PGA West treats him. See you there.

IYFF,
Jennings

Gardeniavilles' Front 9 Rendered Irrelevant

With the 3.2% beer flowing early and often, things got very strange again in Gardeniaville. For the second straight match it took a front side score in the 50's to secure victory. It is quickly becoming apparent that it is not necessary to play golf or anything resembling golf in the first 12 holes to secure Gardeniaville points. Haggard turned this theory into law this morning with an opening 9 hole score of 56. I know, I know, many of you out there following gardeniaville.com are asking, "How in the hell does a grown man shoot a 56 on 9 holes?" Well, the path to 20 over through nine is a straight one my freinds. You drive straight to the range for a Saturday morning pre-round lesson.

A favorable forecast brought 10 out to play this morning. When the balls dropped Hobie and Mir were the swingers and they settled on a $5 nassau. The groups broke down into fivesomes with Mir, Hobie, Alsup, William and Blake in one and Walker, Park, Haggard, Hawk and Danny in the other.

Coming off a total beat down on Thursday, Haggard was eager to earn back some points from Walker. Haggard and his guest, Rob Hawk challenged Park and Walker to a freindly game of Vegas that would quickly rise to 60 uhhh...points per point. This certaintly appears to be a trend. With Haggard having some trouble finding his swing plane, Hawk learned early that he would need to make a lot of pars today or face certain finacial crisis. Walker and Park played fairly solid golf early on and basically just tried to stay out of the way of the imploding Haggard. At 11 over through 5, Haggard seemed confident walking to the box on 6. Disaster struck! With 5 balls in the drink for team Haggard/Hawk resulting in a 9 and 5 it seemed that the fatal blow of this day was struck early. At 17 over through 6, Haggard was able to limp in with bogeys on 7, 8, and 9 but the first 6 holes left his ProV1 stock dangerously low and he was required to reload at the turn.

With the next few holes fairly uneventful, the shot of the day came on fourteen. When Walker hit his tee shot straight down the middle he surely had no idea that his layup was to become the shot of the round. With around 260 out and his cell phone buzzing, he decides to lay a 3 wood somewhere down close to the green. His wife is calling to inform him that his ex girlfriend from about 7 years ago has shown up at the front door urgently asking to see him. Walker is a smart man and knows that nothing good can come of this. As I am silently calculating 7 years of back child support in my mind he takes a smooth swing and hits a perfect layup to about 50 yards. While a decent shot, this would never usually get the shot of the day award, but come on, the guy had some serious Jerry Springer shit going down on the front porch of his mansion.

Unfortunatley for Walker his luck on the course had turned. With Haggard pressing like he owned an oil company instead of a gas pump repair shop, Walker finally was defeated after a nice birdie on 17 by Haggard. Unfortunatly for Hawk, he did not reap the rewards of Haggards 1000 point two down, add a 0 when you are pissed, side game that he had with Walker. He was defeated by Park as he could not press enough to overcome the disasterous front side of his partner.

When the smoke cleared, Haggard hade somehow cleared around 300 points from Walker and Hawk handed Park around 300. Park also grabbed 30 points back form Hobie in a nassau. William remained winless for the winter granting 40 points to Park. With April fast approaching it won't be long before William becomes a regular in the winners circle.

Hobie and Mir has a solid outing in the swing. Hobie was a gentlemen letting Haggard out of the swing game after the sixth hole proclaiming" He doesn't have any business on this golf course, much less in a swing game. Hobie and Mir won easily and Danny played brilliantly as usual.

Saturday morning 9

Looks like we have 6 Park, Hag + guest, (If Hobie invites the 6th guy he is a hippy, game screwing, tree hugging, asshole from Switzerland. Since it is Hag though we are all astonished that he actually has other freinds and we applaud his inclusionaryism) Will, Hobie, and Walker. Walker might try to see if his bro can make it. He is obviosly a good brother who is looking out for his families fortune. He knows that therea rea couple of ATM machines in Gardeniaville that dispense cash without even asking for a pin number. It is a sign that this shit is getting away from us when I am already getting nervous about a golf game 16 hours before we go!

Justin Shoots Front Nine 50, Still Victorious

On Thursday, Mother Nature granted the restless Gardeniaville natives a reprieve, and wouldn’t you know it, a high stakes Vegas game broke out. The formidable team of Justin Walker and Kevin Joyce took on Chris Haggard and Jeff Park. Playing the ball down, Kevin Joyce birdied #1 and then told everyone to go F themselves. Haggard rolled in a 10 ft birdie putt of his own and the match was underway.
This well-played match made it all the way to the 8th hole before fireworks erupted. With the point total multiplier having been pressed to 14, Justin Walker chose an in-opportune time for a complete melt down. Tee shot found the left hazard, drop, third shot finds a tree root, left-handed attempt fails to move ball, takes unplayable drop, bladed over the green in six, chili-dipped to fringe in seven and three putts for a 10. Against a pair of 4’s from Haggard and Park, this hole yields a disastrous multiplier of 61 (meaning a total of 854 points) When Justin sees KJ’s disgusted look, he yell’s “Don’t put this on me, you should have made par.” The front nine ends and Haggard shoots a remarkable 36, which is 14 shots better than Justin’s total of 50. Jeff and KJ both carded something in the low 40’s.

Facing a sizable deficit, KJ and Walker finally see an opening on #11. Jeff flares one right, but stays short of the creek leaving him about 130 out. He then blades his next shot about 190 yards into the hazard over the green. A drop, 2 chips and 2 putts later equals 7. No big deal though because Haggard’s tee shot left him middle of the fairway, 105 yards out. Unfortunately his earth-first contact leaves him woefully short and in the front left bunker. Mindful of Jeff’s shenanigans on the hole, Haggard needs to get up and down for par to save the team. Instead, he flubs one out short and four putts for a Jeff tying 7. Routine pars by both KJ and Walker means a game-changing 660 points.

Hole #14 provided more drama as Haggard hit his second shot Oscar which led to a 7. Park three-jacks for a 6 and they lose another 600 points. They have officially lost their lead and their confidence. After trading pars on #15, the teams head to the tough 16th. Walker and KJ both hit good drives and solid approaches virtually securing par. Haggard is short on his approach, leaving a tough up and down to a back right pin. Needing a good shot from Jeff, Haggard uses the range finder to give Jeff an exact yardage of 168 yards. Jeff pures a six iron exactly 168 yards and finds himself 30 yards short of the green. Apparently Haggard is too stupid to use the range finder and Jeff is too stupid to know the difference. Jeff makes 7, Haggard makes 6, and they lose another 800 points.

With blood in the water, and despite Jeff shadow dancing in his line, Walker cans a 40 footer for birdie on #17. Only a clutch five footer for par out of Jeff, keeps them from dropping more than 300 points.
On #18, and on tilt, Haggard and Park press it up. Jeff hits his drive into the bunker, but Haggard is down the middle. Walker is on cruise control, and hits one in the fairway, 40 yards by everyone. Haggard hits on left, Jeff hits one right and both are left with terribly difficult flop shots to a front pin. Meanwhile KJ and Walker hit their approaches short but Walker wields his magical putter and puts it to gimme range. Park almost pulls off the miracle, but his flopper catches the lip of the bunker and ultimately earns himself a double bogey. Haggard hits a great shot and leaves himself a nine foot, downhill slider to tie the hole. Nope. It was not to be. Walker and KJ win another 1000 points. On the strength of their performance they have taken the early lead in Gardeniaville Cup points.

Winter Golf Explained by KJ

You portray me as a golf cheat. Winter Rules Golf is designed to allow a golfer to obtain a better lie in regions of the country where the grass does not grow in the winter. The intent of the rule is to keep handicaps honest, and yes, many people consider playing it down in the winter a way of padding your handicap so it is higher than it should be once the grass comes in.

Click Here

rain delay my ass

I am the king of the horse race bitches! I don't think that I have ever lost one. Nerves of steel is the key men! Tourettes my cock.