Different Alsup, Same Result

On the eve of the Ridge Run, I must say that I’m not going into this year’s event with much certainty about my golf game. My last round of golf was meant to be a relaxing confidence booster and somehow turned into a demoralizer. Last Thursday evening we were too late for the Skins Game so I met Jeff at the range for a little practice session followed by nine holes. On our way to #1 tee, we spot Lien Alsup and invite her to join us. I had already heard that she had shot her career best round (76) that week, so she was riding high. Jeff and I thought her little 76 from the ladies tees was cute, but we were ready to show her some real “man” golf.

On #1 tee, Lien asked if we wanted to play skins. Jeff gives her a patronizing smile and says “sure darling, whatever you want.”
So Jeff and I spray a couple drives and Lien pipes one down the middle. Lien then pures a 3-wood and a wedge to birdie #1 and win a skin. Driving up to #2 tee box Jeff says to me, “I’m glad she won a skin early, that way she won’t get too discouraged when I whip her ass.”

The pin on #2 is back right on that little shelf. Jeff and I both hit the green but are nowhere near the hole. Lien steps up and promptly sticks it to 5 feet. At this point, I’m starting to sense what’s coming. I yell out to Lien, “For the record, I only have two dollars in my wallet.” Jeff says “I only have four dollars in my wallet, like it’s going to matter anyway.” Fortunately for us, Lien misses her putt and we tie the hole. We also tie #3 (after Lien hits a majestic 6 iron out of the fairway bunker to about 20 feet), and we tie #4, so #5 is worth 4 holes. I had a bad feeling about this hole because Lien had made it look so easy on the last par 5 we played. Sure enough… a striped driver, and 2 striped hybrids later, Lien is looking at a 3-footer for birdie. She cans it and Jeff and I are officially getting run-over.

At the end of the nine holes, Lien shoots 39 and wins 8 holes. Jeff plays well, shoots 38, and wins one hole. It doesn’t take long to do the math and figure out how many holes the Hobster won. A front nine 43 doesn’t go as far as it once did.

We play a couple emergency holes to try to soothe Jeff’s ego, but Lien won those holes also. Once in the clubhouse, we realized we never came up with a denomination of what each skin was worth. Jeff said they were worth $10, Lien said they were worth $1, and I said I wasn’t paying shit. We finally negotiated it down to paying for her drinks and dinner and this write-up on Gardeniaville.

I had to laugh because as we were walking out, a very humbled Jeff Park told me this was the first round of golf he had ever played with a woman. I said “Shake it off, and if anyone asks about it, don’t tell them you got destroyed by a woman, tell them you got beat by an Alsup.”