For the first time that I can ever remember, there was no swing game on a sunny summer Saturday morning. William, Romie, and I looked all over the club for a fourth to no avail . The local TGA Stroke Play and the Enid Acorn Invitational had turned Gardeniaville into a ghost town.
We took off just the three of us to play at least nine holes before deciding what do with the rest of our afternoon. I was not about to challenge summer Willy to much of a money game. We decided on 10 point two downs, and Romie played us for 5 a side. Romie had enough after nine, so he took off losing 5 to William and pushing with me. Not having much to do, William and I decided to stick it out for the back nine.
A very uneventful day got exciting quickly on the 13th hole. William hit his shot into the trap right and I found the elusive sweet spot on my six iron and knocked one close. William proceeds to shank one right off my ass out of the trap! I know it is a big target but I was standing straight right of where he was trying to hit the ball. Now for the really strange part. After rolling in the first birdie of my life on 13, Willy tries to call a penalty on me. This is totally unexpected as Keith is 120 miles away and he is the only one who would try to pull that crap. A quick call to the pro shop yields the correct ruling. Pat said that William could fire at me all day long with no penalties incurred for myself. I asked him to quickly bring me out some catchers gear for the final few holes.
On the par 5 14th Buergler hit his second shot into the left green side bunker. I am going nowhere near this situation! No one is safe at this point. Especially the 25 people participating in the Parade of Homes who are touring the new house that sits green side on 14. William thins another one directly into the swimming pool narrowly missing the pool guys head! The Realtors must of loved that shot. For the record, the ball hit was a Gardeniaville Invitational ball. At least we got some publicity out of the deal.
My only trip to the bunker all day came on 17, where I nestled one up tight to the green tees on the 18th tee box!
Nobody got hurt to bad, at least not financially. I ended up handing over a few points to William, but I did get a Gardeniaville Invitational tattoo on my ass...which is nice!
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Different Alsup, Same Result
On the eve of the Ridge Run, I must say that I’m not going into this year’s event with much certainty about my golf game. My last round of golf was meant to be a relaxing confidence booster and somehow turned into a demoralizer. Last Thursday evening we were too late for the Skins Game so I met Jeff at the range for a little practice session followed by nine holes. On our way to #1 tee, we spot Lien Alsup and invite her to join us. I had already heard that she had shot her career best round (76) that week, so she was riding high. Jeff and I thought her little 76 from the ladies tees was cute, but we were ready to show her some real “man” golf.
On #1 tee, Lien asked if we wanted to play skins. Jeff gives her a patronizing smile and says “sure darling, whatever you want.”
So Jeff and I spray a couple drives and Lien pipes one down the middle. Lien then pures a 3-wood and a wedge to birdie #1 and win a skin. Driving up to #2 tee box Jeff says to me, “I’m glad she won a skin early, that way she won’t get too discouraged when I whip her ass.”
The pin on #2 is back right on that little shelf. Jeff and I both hit the green but are nowhere near the hole. Lien steps up and promptly sticks it to 5 feet. At this point, I’m starting to sense what’s coming. I yell out to Lien, “For the record, I only have two dollars in my wallet.” Jeff says “I only have four dollars in my wallet, like it’s going to matter anyway.” Fortunately for us, Lien misses her putt and we tie the hole. We also tie #3 (after Lien hits a majestic 6 iron out of the fairway bunker to about 20 feet), and we tie #4, so #5 is worth 4 holes. I had a bad feeling about this hole because Lien had made it look so easy on the last par 5 we played. Sure enough… a striped driver, and 2 striped hybrids later, Lien is looking at a 3-footer for birdie. She cans it and Jeff and I are officially getting run-over.
At the end of the nine holes, Lien shoots 39 and wins 8 holes. Jeff plays well, shoots 38, and wins one hole. It doesn’t take long to do the math and figure out how many holes the Hobster won. A front nine 43 doesn’t go as far as it once did.
We play a couple emergency holes to try to soothe Jeff’s ego, but Lien won those holes also. Once in the clubhouse, we realized we never came up with a denomination of what each skin was worth. Jeff said they were worth $10, Lien said they were worth $1, and I said I wasn’t paying shit. We finally negotiated it down to paying for her drinks and dinner and this write-up on Gardeniaville.
I had to laugh because as we were walking out, a very humbled Jeff Park told me this was the first round of golf he had ever played with a woman. I said “Shake it off, and if anyone asks about it, don’t tell them you got destroyed by a woman, tell them you got beat by an Alsup.”
On #1 tee, Lien asked if we wanted to play skins. Jeff gives her a patronizing smile and says “sure darling, whatever you want.”
So Jeff and I spray a couple drives and Lien pipes one down the middle. Lien then pures a 3-wood and a wedge to birdie #1 and win a skin. Driving up to #2 tee box Jeff says to me, “I’m glad she won a skin early, that way she won’t get too discouraged when I whip her ass.”
The pin on #2 is back right on that little shelf. Jeff and I both hit the green but are nowhere near the hole. Lien steps up and promptly sticks it to 5 feet. At this point, I’m starting to sense what’s coming. I yell out to Lien, “For the record, I only have two dollars in my wallet.” Jeff says “I only have four dollars in my wallet, like it’s going to matter anyway.” Fortunately for us, Lien misses her putt and we tie the hole. We also tie #3 (after Lien hits a majestic 6 iron out of the fairway bunker to about 20 feet), and we tie #4, so #5 is worth 4 holes. I had a bad feeling about this hole because Lien had made it look so easy on the last par 5 we played. Sure enough… a striped driver, and 2 striped hybrids later, Lien is looking at a 3-footer for birdie. She cans it and Jeff and I are officially getting run-over.
At the end of the nine holes, Lien shoots 39 and wins 8 holes. Jeff plays well, shoots 38, and wins one hole. It doesn’t take long to do the math and figure out how many holes the Hobster won. A front nine 43 doesn’t go as far as it once did.
We play a couple emergency holes to try to soothe Jeff’s ego, but Lien won those holes also. Once in the clubhouse, we realized we never came up with a denomination of what each skin was worth. Jeff said they were worth $10, Lien said they were worth $1, and I said I wasn’t paying shit. We finally negotiated it down to paying for her drinks and dinner and this write-up on Gardeniaville.
I had to laugh because as we were walking out, a very humbled Jeff Park told me this was the first round of golf he had ever played with a woman. I said “Shake it off, and if anyone asks about it, don’t tell them you got destroyed by a woman, tell them you got beat by an Alsup.”
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Siver Wolf????
Hobie's Unofficial Bio is absurd. I am not sure whoever wrote this has ever even met Hobie, let alone a Gardeniaville member. Let me address a few issues with this piece.
1. "Silver Wolf"? Never in his life has Hobie been called this. "Silver Fox" has been used, but never a wolf. The author of this is a complete dolt.
2. "Hobster" is a true nickname. "Mop head" and "Dickhead"?... Seriously?... Couldn't come up with anything better than that? Incredibly uncreative.
3. There was some poor attempt (I think) to say that Hobie has a small member. Why would you even go there? That kind of shit was funny in the 4th grade, not anymore. And Hobie already implied that in my Bio. Unoriginal.
4. "A thief when he gets on the golf course"? Again, does this person even know Hobie. He hates to gamble, and when he does he caps his win/loss at $200. I have never met a person who hates to bet on the golf course more. Stupid.
5. The entire part about Hobie playing retarded kids on the playground for money, and having sex with his princiPAL's daughter was just weird. Not funny... weird.
6. HOORAY!!! Hobie did in fact go to Oklahoma State ,but the only woman who can out drink him is Mel. You got one right though. Maybe you did meet Hobie one time.
7. Hobie can putt, but that whole "Vietnamese whore" thing and "finding the hole deal" was not good.
8. What kind of person types anything under "Anonymous"? If you have something to say, at least have the sand to put your name to it.
Whoever wrote this is an imbecile. Think again before you ever post anything here again. You are embarrassing everyone in Gardeniaville.
1. "Silver Wolf"? Never in his life has Hobie been called this. "Silver Fox" has been used, but never a wolf. The author of this is a complete dolt.
2. "Hobster" is a true nickname. "Mop head" and "Dickhead"?... Seriously?... Couldn't come up with anything better than that? Incredibly uncreative.
3. There was some poor attempt (I think) to say that Hobie has a small member. Why would you even go there? That kind of shit was funny in the 4th grade, not anymore. And Hobie already implied that in my Bio. Unoriginal.
4. "A thief when he gets on the golf course"? Again, does this person even know Hobie. He hates to gamble, and when he does he caps his win/loss at $200. I have never met a person who hates to bet on the golf course more. Stupid.
5. The entire part about Hobie playing retarded kids on the playground for money, and having sex with his princiPAL's daughter was just weird. Not funny... weird.
6. HOORAY!!! Hobie did in fact go to Oklahoma State ,but the only woman who can out drink him is Mel. You got one right though. Maybe you did meet Hobie one time.
7. Hobie can putt, but that whole "Vietnamese whore" thing and "finding the hole deal" was not good.
8. What kind of person types anything under "Anonymous"? If you have something to say, at least have the sand to put your name to it.
Whoever wrote this is an imbecile. Think again before you ever post anything here again. You are embarrassing everyone in Gardeniaville.
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