Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
Sorry State of Affairs
How in the hell does Buddy allow this to happen at his place? It sounds like Haggard's infectious play is spreading. What a friend. I can't wait to see how PGA West treats him. See you there.
IYFF,
Jennings
IYFF,
Jennings
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Gardeniavilles' Front 9 Rendered Irrelevant
With the 3.2% beer flowing early and often, things got very strange again in Gardeniaville. For the second straight match it took a front side score in the 50's to secure victory. It is quickly becoming apparent that it is not necessary to play golf or anything resembling golf in the first 12 holes to secure Gardeniaville points. Haggard turned this theory into law this morning with an opening 9 hole score of 56. I know, I know, many of you out there following gardeniaville.com are asking, "How in the hell does a grown man shoot a 56 on 9 holes?" Well, the path to 20 over through nine is a straight one my freinds. You drive straight to the range for a Saturday morning pre-round lesson.
A favorable forecast brought 10 out to play this morning. When the balls dropped Hobie and Mir were the swingers and they settled on a $5 nassau. The groups broke down into fivesomes with Mir, Hobie, Alsup, William and Blake in one and Walker, Park, Haggard, Hawk and Danny in the other.
Coming off a total beat down on Thursday, Haggard was eager to earn back some points from Walker. Haggard and his guest, Rob Hawk challenged Park and Walker to a freindly game of Vegas that would quickly rise to 60 uhhh...points per point. This certaintly appears to be a trend. With Haggard having some trouble finding his swing plane, Hawk learned early that he would need to make a lot of pars today or face certain finacial crisis. Walker and Park played fairly solid golf early on and basically just tried to stay out of the way of the imploding Haggard. At 11 over through 5, Haggard seemed confident walking to the box on 6. Disaster struck! With 5 balls in the drink for team Haggard/Hawk resulting in a 9 and 5 it seemed that the fatal blow of this day was struck early. At 17 over through 6, Haggard was able to limp in with bogeys on 7, 8, and 9 but the first 6 holes left his ProV1 stock dangerously low and he was required to reload at the turn.
With the next few holes fairly uneventful, the shot of the day came on fourteen. When Walker hit his tee shot straight down the middle he surely had no idea that his layup was to become the shot of the round. With around 260 out and his cell phone buzzing, he decides to lay a 3 wood somewhere down close to the green. His wife is calling to inform him that his ex girlfriend from about 7 years ago has shown up at the front door urgently asking to see him. Walker is a smart man and knows that nothing good can come of this. As I am silently calculating 7 years of back child support in my mind he takes a smooth swing and hits a perfect layup to about 50 yards. While a decent shot, this would never usually get the shot of the day award, but come on, the guy had some serious Jerry Springer shit going down on the front porch of his mansion.
Unfortunatley for Walker his luck on the course had turned. With Haggard pressing like he owned an oil company instead of a gas pump repair shop, Walker finally was defeated after a nice birdie on 17 by Haggard. Unfortunatly for Hawk, he did not reap the rewards of Haggards 1000 point two down, add a 0 when you are pissed, side game that he had with Walker. He was defeated by Park as he could not press enough to overcome the disasterous front side of his partner.
When the smoke cleared, Haggard hade somehow cleared around 300 points from Walker and Hawk handed Park around 300. Park also grabbed 30 points back form Hobie in a nassau. William remained winless for the winter granting 40 points to Park. With April fast approaching it won't be long before William becomes a regular in the winners circle.
Hobie and Mir has a solid outing in the swing. Hobie was a gentlemen letting Haggard out of the swing game after the sixth hole proclaiming" He doesn't have any business on this golf course, much less in a swing game. Hobie and Mir won easily and Danny played brilliantly as usual.
A favorable forecast brought 10 out to play this morning. When the balls dropped Hobie and Mir were the swingers and they settled on a $5 nassau. The groups broke down into fivesomes with Mir, Hobie, Alsup, William and Blake in one and Walker, Park, Haggard, Hawk and Danny in the other.
Coming off a total beat down on Thursday, Haggard was eager to earn back some points from Walker. Haggard and his guest, Rob Hawk challenged Park and Walker to a freindly game of Vegas that would quickly rise to 60 uhhh...points per point. This certaintly appears to be a trend. With Haggard having some trouble finding his swing plane, Hawk learned early that he would need to make a lot of pars today or face certain finacial crisis. Walker and Park played fairly solid golf early on and basically just tried to stay out of the way of the imploding Haggard. At 11 over through 5, Haggard seemed confident walking to the box on 6. Disaster struck! With 5 balls in the drink for team Haggard/Hawk resulting in a 9 and 5 it seemed that the fatal blow of this day was struck early. At 17 over through 6, Haggard was able to limp in with bogeys on 7, 8, and 9 but the first 6 holes left his ProV1 stock dangerously low and he was required to reload at the turn.
With the next few holes fairly uneventful, the shot of the day came on fourteen. When Walker hit his tee shot straight down the middle he surely had no idea that his layup was to become the shot of the round. With around 260 out and his cell phone buzzing, he decides to lay a 3 wood somewhere down close to the green. His wife is calling to inform him that his ex girlfriend from about 7 years ago has shown up at the front door urgently asking to see him. Walker is a smart man and knows that nothing good can come of this. As I am silently calculating 7 years of back child support in my mind he takes a smooth swing and hits a perfect layup to about 50 yards. While a decent shot, this would never usually get the shot of the day award, but come on, the guy had some serious Jerry Springer shit going down on the front porch of his mansion.
Unfortunatley for Walker his luck on the course had turned. With Haggard pressing like he owned an oil company instead of a gas pump repair shop, Walker finally was defeated after a nice birdie on 17 by Haggard. Unfortunatly for Hawk, he did not reap the rewards of Haggards 1000 point two down, add a 0 when you are pissed, side game that he had with Walker. He was defeated by Park as he could not press enough to overcome the disasterous front side of his partner.
When the smoke cleared, Haggard hade somehow cleared around 300 points from Walker and Hawk handed Park around 300. Park also grabbed 30 points back form Hobie in a nassau. William remained winless for the winter granting 40 points to Park. With April fast approaching it won't be long before William becomes a regular in the winners circle.
Hobie and Mir has a solid outing in the swing. Hobie was a gentlemen letting Haggard out of the swing game after the sixth hole proclaiming" He doesn't have any business on this golf course, much less in a swing game. Hobie and Mir won easily and Danny played brilliantly as usual.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Saturday morning 9
Looks like we have 6 Park, Hag + guest, (If Hobie invites the 6th guy he is a hippy, game screwing, tree hugging, asshole from Switzerland. Since it is Hag though we are all astonished that he actually has other freinds and we applaud his inclusionaryism) Will, Hobie, and Walker. Walker might try to see if his bro can make it. He is obviosly a good brother who is looking out for his families fortune. He knows that therea rea couple of ATM machines in Gardeniaville that dispense cash without even asking for a pin number. It is a sign that this shit is getting away from us when I am already getting nervous about a golf game 16 hours before we go!
Justin Shoots Front Nine 50, Still Victorious
On Thursday, Mother Nature granted the restless Gardeniaville natives a reprieve, and wouldn’t you know it, a high stakes Vegas game broke out. The formidable team of Justin Walker and Kevin Joyce took on Chris Haggard and Jeff Park. Playing the ball down, Kevin Joyce birdied #1 and then told everyone to go F themselves. Haggard rolled in a 10 ft birdie putt of his own and the match was underway.
This well-played match made it all the way to the 8th hole before fireworks erupted. With the point total multiplier having been pressed to 14, Justin Walker chose an in-opportune time for a complete melt down. Tee shot found the left hazard, drop, third shot finds a tree root, left-handed attempt fails to move ball, takes unplayable drop, bladed over the green in six, chili-dipped to fringe in seven and three putts for a 10. Against a pair of 4’s from Haggard and Park, this hole yields a disastrous multiplier of 61 (meaning a total of 854 points) When Justin sees KJ’s disgusted look, he yell’s “Don’t put this on me, you should have made par.” The front nine ends and Haggard shoots a remarkable 36, which is 14 shots better than Justin’s total of 50. Jeff and KJ both carded something in the low 40’s.
Facing a sizable deficit, KJ and Walker finally see an opening on #11. Jeff flares one right, but stays short of the creek leaving him about 130 out. He then blades his next shot about 190 yards into the hazard over the green. A drop, 2 chips and 2 putts later equals 7. No big deal though because Haggard’s tee shot left him middle of the fairway, 105 yards out. Unfortunately his earth-first contact leaves him woefully short and in the front left bunker. Mindful of Jeff’s shenanigans on the hole, Haggard needs to get up and down for par to save the team. Instead, he flubs one out short and four putts for a Jeff tying 7. Routine pars by both KJ and Walker means a game-changing 660 points.
Hole #14 provided more drama as Haggard hit his second shot Oscar which led to a 7. Park three-jacks for a 6 and they lose another 600 points. They have officially lost their lead and their confidence. After trading pars on #15, the teams head to the tough 16th. Walker and KJ both hit good drives and solid approaches virtually securing par. Haggard is short on his approach, leaving a tough up and down to a back right pin. Needing a good shot from Jeff, Haggard uses the range finder to give Jeff an exact yardage of 168 yards. Jeff pures a six iron exactly 168 yards and finds himself 30 yards short of the green. Apparently Haggard is too stupid to use the range finder and Jeff is too stupid to know the difference. Jeff makes 7, Haggard makes 6, and they lose another 800 points.
With blood in the water, and despite Jeff shadow dancing in his line, Walker cans a 40 footer for birdie on #17. Only a clutch five footer for par out of Jeff, keeps them from dropping more than 300 points.
On #18, and on tilt, Haggard and Park press it up. Jeff hits his drive into the bunker, but Haggard is down the middle. Walker is on cruise control, and hits one in the fairway, 40 yards by everyone. Haggard hits on left, Jeff hits one right and both are left with terribly difficult flop shots to a front pin. Meanwhile KJ and Walker hit their approaches short but Walker wields his magical putter and puts it to gimme range. Park almost pulls off the miracle, but his flopper catches the lip of the bunker and ultimately earns himself a double bogey. Haggard hits a great shot and leaves himself a nine foot, downhill slider to tie the hole. Nope. It was not to be. Walker and KJ win another 1000 points. On the strength of their performance they have taken the early lead in Gardeniaville Cup points.
This well-played match made it all the way to the 8th hole before fireworks erupted. With the point total multiplier having been pressed to 14, Justin Walker chose an in-opportune time for a complete melt down. Tee shot found the left hazard, drop, third shot finds a tree root, left-handed attempt fails to move ball, takes unplayable drop, bladed over the green in six, chili-dipped to fringe in seven and three putts for a 10. Against a pair of 4’s from Haggard and Park, this hole yields a disastrous multiplier of 61 (meaning a total of 854 points) When Justin sees KJ’s disgusted look, he yell’s “Don’t put this on me, you should have made par.” The front nine ends and Haggard shoots a remarkable 36, which is 14 shots better than Justin’s total of 50. Jeff and KJ both carded something in the low 40’s.
Facing a sizable deficit, KJ and Walker finally see an opening on #11. Jeff flares one right, but stays short of the creek leaving him about 130 out. He then blades his next shot about 190 yards into the hazard over the green. A drop, 2 chips and 2 putts later equals 7. No big deal though because Haggard’s tee shot left him middle of the fairway, 105 yards out. Unfortunately his earth-first contact leaves him woefully short and in the front left bunker. Mindful of Jeff’s shenanigans on the hole, Haggard needs to get up and down for par to save the team. Instead, he flubs one out short and four putts for a Jeff tying 7. Routine pars by both KJ and Walker means a game-changing 660 points.
Hole #14 provided more drama as Haggard hit his second shot Oscar which led to a 7. Park three-jacks for a 6 and they lose another 600 points. They have officially lost their lead and their confidence. After trading pars on #15, the teams head to the tough 16th. Walker and KJ both hit good drives and solid approaches virtually securing par. Haggard is short on his approach, leaving a tough up and down to a back right pin. Needing a good shot from Jeff, Haggard uses the range finder to give Jeff an exact yardage of 168 yards. Jeff pures a six iron exactly 168 yards and finds himself 30 yards short of the green. Apparently Haggard is too stupid to use the range finder and Jeff is too stupid to know the difference. Jeff makes 7, Haggard makes 6, and they lose another 800 points.
With blood in the water, and despite Jeff shadow dancing in his line, Walker cans a 40 footer for birdie on #17. Only a clutch five footer for par out of Jeff, keeps them from dropping more than 300 points.
On #18, and on tilt, Haggard and Park press it up. Jeff hits his drive into the bunker, but Haggard is down the middle. Walker is on cruise control, and hits one in the fairway, 40 yards by everyone. Haggard hits on left, Jeff hits one right and both are left with terribly difficult flop shots to a front pin. Meanwhile KJ and Walker hit their approaches short but Walker wields his magical putter and puts it to gimme range. Park almost pulls off the miracle, but his flopper catches the lip of the bunker and ultimately earns himself a double bogey. Haggard hits a great shot and leaves himself a nine foot, downhill slider to tie the hole. Nope. It was not to be. Walker and KJ win another 1000 points. On the strength of their performance they have taken the early lead in Gardeniaville Cup points.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Winter Golf Explained by KJ
You portray me as a golf cheat. Winter Rules Golf is designed to allow a golfer to obtain a better lie in regions of the country where the grass does not grow in the winter. The intent of the rule is to keep handicaps honest, and yes, many people consider playing it down in the winter a way of padding your handicap so it is higher than it should be once the grass comes in.
Click Here
Click Here
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
rain delay my ass
I am the king of the horse race bitches! I don't think that I have ever lost one. Nerves of steel is the key men! Tourettes my cock.
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