Yesterday was the annual Tulsa Sports Charity Golf Tournament. Gardeniaville was represented by Keith, Haggard, Walker and myself. Keith was kind enough to get our team entered in the tournament. In typical Keith style, he had our team pay almost double the normal entry fee to allow us access to the pre-tournament celebrity party. The problem was that nobody could attend this party due to prior engagements. However, since it was for charity I will let him off of the hook for this one.
The format for the tournament was a 6 man scramble with each team having a couple of famous former athletes on their team. We only had five people on our team, but we did get a couple of ex Oklahoma Sooner stars on our team...Paul Thompson and Chris Haggard. The only difference between Paul and Haggard was that Haggard had to pay to enter the tournament. I believe he only devalued about 20 pieces of OU memorabilia with his autograph before a tournament official asked him who the hell he was and if he would please stop signing shit.
The weather didn't cooperate for the first few holes and it was a cold and rainy start. Paul was probably wondering what in the hell he had gotten himself into. He was freezing his ass off out in the rain playing golf with the only team in the field that was actively rooting against one another. We decide to play a side game amongst the four of us. We left Paul out of this game because it was obvious that he was much more proficient at throwing a football than hitting a golf ball. The game was simple. The furthest away from the hole on each approach shot owed those closer to hole 20 points each. Well, as we all know nothing that Keith is involved in is ever simple. On the sixth hole par three I hit first to about twenty five feet. Keith followed my shot with a shank that seemed to be a lock for furthest from the hole. Walker steps up and hits a decent shot to the middle of the green. Haggard follows with a miserable chunked six iron that looks every bit as bad as Keith's shank. It was going to be close. After twenty five minutes of pacing each ball to hole, Keith is convinced that we are all taking baby steps to his ball while long striding the journey out to Haggard's ball. Out comes the range finder of course! After another ten minutes of dialing in the Bushnell the results finally came in. They were both exactly 41 yards from the hole! Keep in mind that the hole was only playing about 165 yards. It is pretty hard to miss a 165 yarder by 41 yards but these clowns did it for sure! I was there. Most people that hit such horrible shots would step up and show some balls and split the bill for the two balls that hit the green. Not the case here with Haggard and Stitt. They refused to pay on grounds that...well I am not sure what grounds they refused to pay but they didn't. Stitt then had the nerve to call me spineless on the next tee box. He is a very delusional man.
After this fiasco I am sure that Thompson is convinced that he got the unluckiest draw of any of the athletes. He was kicking himself for not winning the Heisman which would have allowed him to play with a better class of people. Do you think Jason White was having to deal with this shit? Seriously Paul is a great guy and it was a fun day for all. By the time we rolled around to the 15th hole he broke out the I-pod, hooked it to Keith's cart speaker, and we were teeing off while listening to Usher. Haggard bombed a drive and immediately bit his lower lip and started bobbing his head proclaiming that he "Felt like dancing!". I thought for a minute that we might have a reenactment of the scene in the movie Hitch where Will Smith is having to teach Kevin James how to dance. Somehow we got off the tee box with no further dancing, eliminating embarrassing the shit out of Paul by having four overweight middle aged white boys hip hop dancing around him on the 15th tee. It was a close call though!
By the time we rolled around to the last hole I was surprisingly down the most points at -140 The guys graciously accepted my press to 40 points on the final hole. Keith and Walker hit great shots to a few feet after Haggard chunked his shot into the creek (#3 was our finishing hole). All I had to do was advance the ball over the creek to avoid losing the hole. Chunk! Creek! We decide to re hit to determine the loser. Haggard hits to about 15 feet and I somehow lay one to about 6 avoiding total disaster.
Walker was the only winner of the four at +140. I lost the most at a smooth 100. Hag and Keith lost 20 each. Our team ended up in 3rd place.
It was a very fun tournament with lots of great food, drinks, and people. I believe they said that there were 7 former Heisman winners there. I encourage everybody to try to play next year. It was a good day!
The format for the tournament was a 6 man scramble with each team having a couple of famous former athletes on their team. We only had five people on our team, but we did get a couple of ex Oklahoma Sooner stars on our team...Paul Thompson and Chris Haggard. The only difference between Paul and Haggard was that Haggard had to pay to enter the tournament. I believe he only devalued about 20 pieces of OU memorabilia with his autograph before a tournament official asked him who the hell he was and if he would please stop signing shit.
The weather didn't cooperate for the first few holes and it was a cold and rainy start. Paul was probably wondering what in the hell he had gotten himself into. He was freezing his ass off out in the rain playing golf with the only team in the field that was actively rooting against one another. We decide to play a side game amongst the four of us. We left Paul out of this game because it was obvious that he was much more proficient at throwing a football than hitting a golf ball. The game was simple. The furthest away from the hole on each approach shot owed those closer to hole 20 points each. Well, as we all know nothing that Keith is involved in is ever simple. On the sixth hole par three I hit first to about twenty five feet. Keith followed my shot with a shank that seemed to be a lock for furthest from the hole. Walker steps up and hits a decent shot to the middle of the green. Haggard follows with a miserable chunked six iron that looks every bit as bad as Keith's shank. It was going to be close. After twenty five minutes of pacing each ball to hole, Keith is convinced that we are all taking baby steps to his ball while long striding the journey out to Haggard's ball. Out comes the range finder of course! After another ten minutes of dialing in the Bushnell the results finally came in. They were both exactly 41 yards from the hole! Keep in mind that the hole was only playing about 165 yards. It is pretty hard to miss a 165 yarder by 41 yards but these clowns did it for sure! I was there. Most people that hit such horrible shots would step up and show some balls and split the bill for the two balls that hit the green. Not the case here with Haggard and Stitt. They refused to pay on grounds that...well I am not sure what grounds they refused to pay but they didn't. Stitt then had the nerve to call me spineless on the next tee box. He is a very delusional man.
After this fiasco I am sure that Thompson is convinced that he got the unluckiest draw of any of the athletes. He was kicking himself for not winning the Heisman which would have allowed him to play with a better class of people. Do you think Jason White was having to deal with this shit? Seriously Paul is a great guy and it was a fun day for all. By the time we rolled around to the 15th hole he broke out the I-pod, hooked it to Keith's cart speaker, and we were teeing off while listening to Usher. Haggard bombed a drive and immediately bit his lower lip and started bobbing his head proclaiming that he "Felt like dancing!". I thought for a minute that we might have a reenactment of the scene in the movie Hitch where Will Smith is having to teach Kevin James how to dance. Somehow we got off the tee box with no further dancing, eliminating embarrassing the shit out of Paul by having four overweight middle aged white boys hip hop dancing around him on the 15th tee. It was a close call though!
By the time we rolled around to the last hole I was surprisingly down the most points at -140 The guys graciously accepted my press to 40 points on the final hole. Keith and Walker hit great shots to a few feet after Haggard chunked his shot into the creek (#3 was our finishing hole). All I had to do was advance the ball over the creek to avoid losing the hole. Chunk! Creek! We decide to re hit to determine the loser. Haggard hits to about 15 feet and I somehow lay one to about 6 avoiding total disaster.
Walker was the only winner of the four at +140. I lost the most at a smooth 100. Hag and Keith lost 20 each. Our team ended up in 3rd place.
It was a very fun tournament with lots of great food, drinks, and people. I believe they said that there were 7 former Heisman winners there. I encourage everybody to try to play next year. It was a good day!
If I had know about it, or it I had been asked to joing this year I would of played.
ReplyDeleteWho do we send the invite to next year? Anonymous?
ReplyDelete